My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
