I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
