Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
