using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Terrible idea I love it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
