mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
