Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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