I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well you can't waste a boner
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I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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