I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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