My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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