The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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