guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
