I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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