i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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