I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
