I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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