Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
