I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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