5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
