well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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