I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
