I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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