I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
