me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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