we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
