stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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