I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
