Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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