we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
