do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
