So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
