she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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