My first STD was from a foam party
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
