Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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