Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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