Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
