You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You have to summon your inner elephant
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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