oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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