Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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