omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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