I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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