Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
is it fun? or sober?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
