I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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