Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
