i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
