my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
