I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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