When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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