so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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