my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
