like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mom said you looked used
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize