I have demons in me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
