Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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