Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
