I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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