you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
