You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
