I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how drunk are you?
Several
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
