I love black thongs
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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