she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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