Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
