It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
