Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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