yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
