That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
