Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
