my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
