we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
