There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
3 2 1 whiskey
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
