Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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