Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
