So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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